Wow! I'm way behind, so thank you for the recap at the top! 😆
That was a tense chapter! 😱
I hope you don't mind me being a little nitpick-y, but in the first paragraph, Elswyth narrates about "Customers filtered in and out...", then about "The musty scent of aged paper...", and then about how "Some lingered, chatting about the latest town gossip".
This might be just me, but that order made me think that what was lingering was the musty scent of aged paper at first, until I realized that it was actually the customers who lingered about, chatting about latest town gossip.
Also, at one point, Elswyth thinks, "That’s strange… He never left without it." - I feel "He never left without it" seems a bit strangely detached, as if it was third-person narration rather than Elswyth's thoughts? And it seems inconsistent with the POV used for her thoughts later as well. I think something like "He's never left" or "He never leaves" might be better?
Sorry - if I'm being too nitpick-y (or maybe I'm just wrong), I'll stop!
But, yeah - I really enjoyed this chapter! It was great at establishing the mundane-but-comforting work day, before it slowly racked up the tension until reaching the climax, and then giving us a sigh of relief to end the chapter! 😄
Wow! I'm way behind, so thank you for the recap at the top! 😆
That was a tense chapter! 😱
I hope you don't mind me being a little nitpick-y, but in the first paragraph, Elswyth narrates about "Customers filtered in and out...", then about "The musty scent of aged paper...", and then about how "Some lingered, chatting about the latest town gossip".
This might be just me, but that order made me think that what was lingering was the musty scent of aged paper at first, until I realized that it was actually the customers who lingered about, chatting about latest town gossip.
Also, at one point, Elswyth thinks, "That’s strange… He never left without it." - I feel "He never left without it" seems a bit strangely detached, as if it was third-person narration rather than Elswyth's thoughts? And it seems inconsistent with the POV used for her thoughts later as well. I think something like "He's never left" or "He never leaves" might be better?
Sorry - if I'm being too nitpick-y (or maybe I'm just wrong), I'll stop!
But, yeah - I really enjoyed this chapter! It was great at establishing the mundane-but-comforting work day, before it slowly racked up the tension until reaching the climax, and then giving us a sigh of relief to end the chapter! 😄
Welcome back! Thank you for the suggestions, I appreciate you sharing them 🩷
By the last couple paragraphs I was on the edge of my seat, you do a great job of setting the tension and slowly having it escalate for the reader!
Thank you so much! <3